Trying On: The American Education


Apologies to Martha; Possibilities of Redemption

… how could I hate the one and be so wholly taken by the other? Probably because the former seeks clarity, and the later rests in that greater eternal rocking-chair that is American folk music. Err. Obscurity. 

Come now. I’d take White over Nussbaum anyday. 

… which, I suppose, brings me to another problem. That I’ve been three years now, post-initial violation, picking battles. Cf.: I almost cited a review by Professor TK, which directly criticized old Nussbaum’s approach (while affirming her general orientation towards the public humanities–O! We adore you still, even though your face is a little cracked, The Public Humanities!), for a paper for Professor AK, even when I know that one asked the other to teach it in his class, and the other refused.

(The other is always refusing.)

How to be generous to the people one reads. As people. As… people? It’s hard enough to open an ear to the text, to pay attention for the time that is required in a way that is required. Some texts require more. From me. Less from you. Etc. Honestly, though: I feel that I was bad to Martha Nussbaum. I feel that I owe Martha Nussbaum an open apology. What am I really trying to do here? Get literature out of the law schools? Turn the whole world into Peter Stallybrass, if not kazoo-blowing members of the “Pete” Stallybrass Fan Club? No, no. There’s some good in what she’s doing. She likes books. I mean, what can be wrong with it? It can be bad–boring, unliterary, in fact (which just might be the problem–I’m much more attuned, especially this semester, to receive Heidegger in one ear and almost automatically given the critic who breathed it my other cheek; kiss it or slap it–): still, though, as Bob Dylan once said: 

It’s got to be good for somebody. I know it’s good for somebody.

So what’s my business knocking her down with my small qualms? I know that I’m not on board with Nussbaum’s project. And, to confess a bit more (this is not, you may have noted by now, a literary review), I started reading less and less carefully the more it became apparent to me that disproving utilitarianism was not a particularly urgent (or interesting) question for me. I just became more and more miffed that literature was the rear-guard soldier-hero pulled out to do the trick, who triumphed by way of omniscient courage and the hand-me-down blanket of the bold knights of realism. Yes, Martha, you’ve sold me now. You’re in my metaphors. You’re all over my High Victorian: literature, dear readers, is a person. 

(Or better yet, a picnic–a whole park of people for you to meet and greet! To learn moral lessons from! Make sure to try the chicken salad bake! Don’t eat that mayonnaise that’s been too long out in the sun!)

Forgive me: I am still not being generous. What I meant to say, I suppose, was that I think I pinned Nussbaum’s work as not only bad but really quite immoral–a transgression against the literariness of the literature! A violence against the irreducibility of style! You passed it by like it was a cloud of gnats, a diaphonous veil, Martha! Don’t let Charles trick you, Martha! This house of pure presence, Martha! We built it just for you! 

…and I did this, largely, as a sort of messy Pollock projection of my own readerly immorality. Bad reading makes for angry criticism. (I’ll reiterate that below.)

And: // I am not even sure that I want to be forgiven.

Conclusions, moral and otherwise:

  1. Listening is difficult, always and anyway.
  2. There is an immoral sort of listening–one that fakes interest, even when one isn’t interested. I think each reader knows–and, I hope, knows how to moderate–her own closedness to the text. (I hope, too, that this is a lesson that we might work here in conjunction to non-literary life. Let’s all get open.)
  3. Immoral listening is slippery–like différance, it moves around. It gets in your stuff. For example, your critical reviews. It makes you angry and ungenerous. It turns your expansive scholarly motivations into: destroy.
  4. I’m honest, brutal and afraid of you-ou.
  5. There’s too much love to go around these days.

Time for a baptism and some clarificatory prose; real reviews will follow. Look for a man descending from the sky with bright red Ray-Bans. 

JLR



Old Ghost, A Wetnurse; Carrying Consequences

SHOULD HAVE:

Germany, and not Long Island.

Poetry workshop, and not to Maine.

Held to that compact with my heart.

Kept more silence about what I wasn’t ready to say.

LEARNED THAT:

It counts and you can use it.

Sometimes it was just what you needed, and you couldn’t use it then. Sometimes benefitting from something means riding out from it in a different way. Like: you learn the gallop when you clear the last mountain. Of course nobody sees you. Of course you have to leave with your teachers thinking you probably drowned like a flagstone in that lake.

Sometimes–exigence. Sometimes–if you don’t try to stretch well then never. Sometimes–compact means running away within these clear thin lines. Learn to say: sycamore! balsam fir! vetiver! The pine is not the only one! Sometimes you still cut and run. Sometimes you learn to smuggle yourself like birdseed, in little gauze wrappers. Sometimes it’s not about quanta anymore; you’re overflowing from your jacket pockets. There, there. You found yourself again, even in those big trousers fro the thrift store. There you are, older, stranger. Take your mother’s boots. Drop skin. You can’t keep your markings, even when you learn to love them. Dream of boats and planes–living well is traveling briskly. Don’t sit and howl by the carrion. I love you, I’m walking up this road right now, I love you, if you’re there and this way I return–

Or write it down, sister memory!

JLR



Probably Excellent Treats; Carpet Ghosts

Farina is coming down from the north. She will be my last visitor before taking off for the east. She is younger than the rest of them, so her parents will be coming with her. She is bringing along with her Onkel Heinz, the ghost costume that we made together over a year ago. Heinz starred, alongside Maria, Hans, Jürgen, Elsie, and Kaninchen, in a German neo-expressionist mash-up called Drehort Geschichteburg. Images follow.

 

Onkel Heinz dances with Elsie while K. looks on, recites Goethe

Onkel Heinz dances with Elsie while K. looks on, recites Goethe--a casual midsummer's picnic

It is the first anniversary of our arrest. As such, there are two significant plans for the day:

1. To make supplementary anniversary treats, some of which may be vegan cupcakes executed with a combination of garbanzo bean, coconut, and quinoa flour, the rest of which may prove to be a homemade batch of agave-sweeted coconut milk ice cream.

2. To film, on location in CALEDONIA, short clips that would have made up the second segment of Drehort Geschichteburg. Or, to follow Heinz to several scenic run-down-Ohio locations, and to film short clips that could be drowned out in sentimental music with PSA-like banners scrolling somewhere across the lower frame.

My mind can’t stay too long with ghosts. I am thinking about a post that came from Bacchus, which invited written correspondence from the friends who would stay stateside while he made his way to Freiburg, Germany. I was supposed to be part of that envoy to Freiburg, only I made the decision to transfer, and squashed those plans. I have never been one to spend too long pondering the dust-trails hanging over the crossroads and caddyshacks shooting behind me as the wagon lurches west(east)ward, but this time, it is hard to imagine that I have made a decision that will benefit me. Whoever could imagine that I would turn down the adventuresome path? I exchanged my internship with DOMOWINA on the Czech-German border for teaching on Long Island, and I exchanged my year at Albert-Lüdwigs-Universität for a year at a snobby East Coast stone-row school. I thought, I now think, that my intellectual experience would continue to be jagged and uneven (had I stayed). I did not want to pay the $13,000 a year that living abroad would cost me. (Now I am paying something like $20,000). I did not feel that I would have learned enough in my years at Michigan, and did not trust that I could return with only one, and make a satisfactory case for myself to a graduate institution. I will have to do my best to make sure Stone Row pounds out the lumpen dough of my heart into something flinty and smart and sparking all the time. For now, I will evade my Two Chief Duties–

1. Practice French; take on-line French placement exam

2. Lernen mehr Deutsch; nehmen die deutsches Prüfrung

– and play some more with ghosts.

JLR